The three kinds of caregiver guilt

3 kinds of guilt show up in almost every caregiver I talk to.

1. Guilt for not doing enough. Not visiting often enough, not calling, not knowing the latest report.
2. Guilt for doing it badly. Losing patience yesterday. Forgetting the evening dose once.
3. Guilt for wanting a life. One evening out, a holiday, a whole Sunday that's just yours.

Notice what they have in common. Guilt turns up whether you're doing too little or far too much.

That's how you know it isn't a reliable measure of how well you're caring.

So stop letting it vote. When the guilt arrives this week, ask yourself one practical question instead: "Is my parent safe and cared for today?"

If the answer is yes, the guilt is noise. If the answer is no, you have a specific problem to solve, and that's far easier to act on than a feeling.